Synopsis: Supervillain Dr. Zin wants to disrupt the world’s gold markets. This involves murder, a kidnapped scientist who can do quasi-alchemy, a henchman disguised as a maharajah, and some extremely irate big cats. I don’t think Zin has an efficiency expert on staff.
Tip 16. Courage! There is often a light at the end of the tunnel.
See?
…Of course, sometimes that light is coming from a secret science lab.
The cutting edge of modern…I don’t even know.Maybe this is Dr. Pretorius from Bride of Frankenstein and Bandit used to be a mastiff.
You know what they say: where there’s bubbling alembics, there’s hope.
Next time: I screw up my courage and start taking a look at one of my childhood favorite books.
Synopsis: Supervillain Dr. Zin wants to disrupt the world’s gold markets. This involves murder, a kidnapped scientist who can do quasi-alchemy, a henchman disguised as a maharajah, and some extremely irate big cats. I don’t think Zin has an efficiency expert on staff.
Tip 15: Beware reversals of fortune.
Someone* once said that man is the most dangerous game.
“You’re kidding, right?”
Even so, Dr. Quest’s spy mission to India proves the contest for first runner-up is what you might call fierce.
*The fellow who wrote the story of that name was Richard Connell. No idea why I have to look up that information every time I need it, yet can remember enough old musical instruments to make Hangman opponents want to take it live-action.
Next time: Yet to be determined.
Next time on tQfM!: More spying, less, um, tigering.
Synopsis: Supervillain Dr. Zin wants to disrupt the world’s gold markets. This involves murder, a kidnapped scientist who can do quasi-alchemy, a henchman disguised as a maharajah, and some extremely irate big cats. I don’t think Zin has an efficiency expert on staff.
Tip 14: There’s nothing wrong with mixing cutting-edge and old-school interests.
Case in point: Dr. Zin, international supervillain. His current interest is the age-old alchemical pursuit of turning non-gold things into gold—well, gold enough to fool people—even though he’s a very early adopter of this sweet video-phone system.
“It’s known as…VisageTime.”
But isn’t it always the way? No matter how hipsterishly obscure your hobby may be, someone you can’t stand is also into it:
Author’s note: this is where I tried for several minutes to make a “phlogiston…before it was cool” joke. You’re welcome.
It’s okay to feel possessive of your interests: it’s less okay to, say, kill people with a poisoned needle about it.
Next time: If you thought Ginger Snaps was scary, I give you Tom Cruise in a funny little outfit.
Synopsis: A scientist friend of Dr. Quest is kidnapped by credulous Amazon tribespeople who wish to sacrifice him. Dr. Quest ends up captured too, and it’s up to Race Bannon to do the silliest thing he can in this vaguely racist cartoon in order to save everyone.
Sometimes there comes a time for drastic action: when the chips are down, the odds are long, and the tribesmen want to put a couple of scientists into a pit for ill-explained reasons. In other words:
Tip 13: When the going gets tough…
…Then whatever you do, don’t strip off and jump into the leech- and germ-infested waters of the Amazon. That would be silly.
Sometimes you just have to learn from bad examples rather than good ones, campers.
The less said about this particular bad example, the better.
Still, it rescued the scientists. New episode next Monday!
Synopsis: A scientist friend of Dr. Quest is kidnapped by credulous Amazon tribespeople who wish to sacrifice him. Dr. Quest ends up captured too, and it’s up to Race Bannon to do the silliest thing he can in this vaguely racist cartoon in order to save everyone.
Tip 12: Try not to overlook the obvious.
Sorry to leave you all stranded in the jungle with the hordes of generic monkeys. I trust you got through the holidays, even if it may have taken a little work with a machete.
Now that we’re all back at base camp, let’s kick off the new year with one of the most basic lessons of all.
…Except for all the Po-Hos, of course. They’re pretty fluent in it.
In the immortal words of Depeche Mode, people are people. Even Dr. Quest screws that one up sometimes.
Next time: Still debating the merits of a review vs. a new Musical Interlude for Friday.
Next time on The Quest For Monday!: A little something for the ladies, and inclined gentlemen.
Synopsis: A scientist friend of Dr. Quest is kidnapped by credulous Amazon tribespeople who wish to sacrifice him. Dr. Quest ends up captured too, and it’s up to Race Bannon to do the silliest thing he can in this vaguely racist cartoon in order to save everyone.
Tip 11: This is the most important animal you will ever see (in the Jonny Quest universe, anyway):
Cebidae ubiquitous jonnyquestensis, this time found in the Amazon.
Don’t bother looking for him again—we’ll find him. He’s quite the globetrotter.
Next time: On Friday I’ll finally stop torturing myself with these things and torture my readers instead, as it should be. The next time I decide to watch Beyond Therapy and An Awfully Big Adventure within months of each other, for heaven’s sake someone stop me.
Synopsis: A political plotter thinks he can unite all Arab peoples around a stolen Egyptian artifact. Unfortunately for him, the theft gets the attention of Team Quest and of an ancient mummy, whose animated, revenge-focused existence fails to raise a single scientific eyebrow during the entire episode.
Tip 10: Make allies.
There’s a saying that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
When the enemy of your enemy is also a fiend born from the darkest depths of the Egyptian Book of the Dead, even better.
Look at that skull!
Special author’s note: The dialogue in that chase scene with Jonny and Hadji from last week is the most Roger-Moore-Bond thing I’ve ever seen in animation, and that includes all of Danger Mouse.
Next time: The movie I ranked as the worst I’d ever seen in 2005. It’s pretty much got to be better now.
Next time on TQfM! I don’t remember what a “Po-Ho” is, so this should be fun.
Synopsis: A political plotter thinks he can unite all Arab peoples around a stolen Egyptian artifact. Unfortunately for him, the theft gets the attention of Team Quest and of an ancient mummy, whose animated, revenge-focused existence fails to raise a single scientific eyebrow during the entire episode.
Tip 9: Motorcycle safety is very important.
Even if you’re making an improvised escape from henchmen, it’s usually a good idea to protect your head.
Bad Jonny!
…Of course, some kind of helmet is more traditional.
Thinking outside the tent…then through it, then outside again.
Next time: A retro dance mix for your holiday. Needed more “U Got the Look,” but what can you do?
Synopsis: A political plotter thinks he can unite all Arab peoples around a stolen Egyptian artifact. Unfortunately for him, the theft gets the attention of Team Quest and of an ancient mummy, whose animated, revenge-focused existence fails to raise a single scientific eyebrow during the entire episode.
Tip 8: There’s nothing wrong with a little book-learning once in a while, even if you are an Intrepid Adventurer.
Gather around, troopers! Today we learn about the pathetic fallacy.
In addition to being one of those terms that sounds like an insult when shouted fast enough, the pathetic fallacy is usually used to describe nature imitating mood in art. Every crooner in a music video who ever sang sad songs to his girl in the rain was standing right in one of those things, as was nearly everyone in Wuthering Heights most of the time.
But, as its Wikipedia page reminds us, the phrase was sometimes used less to describe the devices themselves—the Rain of Sorrowful Tears, the Storm of Emotional Unrest, the Unseasonably Sunny Day of Joy—than the effect. How the sky seems less bright when you’ve just been dumped, for example.
Which pharaoh was known for his unerring sense of drama again?
Or how spooky the moon looks when you’re being stalked by an unearthly revenant bent on retrieving its sacred artifact. You know.
Next time: Honestly, The Bride of Frankenstein. I swear!
Next time on TQfM!: We mine similar ground to this great work of the canon.
Synopsis: A political plotter thinks he can unite all Arab peoples around a stolen Egyptian artifact. Unfortunately for him, the theft gets the attention of Team Quest and of an ancient mummy, whose animated, revenge-focused existence fails to raise a single scientific eyebrow during the entire episode.
Tip 7: Religion and politics don’t mix.
Like this fellow, you may think that “When there is real unity among Arab nations, Anubis will bless us”—
Usually, there are only two reasons a character in fiction wears a white suit; I’m pretty sure the mustache alone rules out “angel.”
But such discussions require a very specific sort of audience.
I.e., not this one.
You never know whom you might offend…and you’d better hope it’s not the gods.
(Author’s note: I can’t tell you all how happy I am to reach this episode. I forgot the first two Jonny Quests were straightforward adventure stories—easy to do when you’ve seen some of the weirder ones!—and have been spending many Mondays slumped over my laptop whining about how much I miss Highlander. But now…you know…we can start the party.)
Next time: Bride of Frankenstein, because I’m pretty sure I’ve really seen that one before.
