Last time: The Kurgan has fantastic diction and a God complex. Come on, fella, say “Blessed are the proofreaders.” You (kind of) will eventually.
32. Is it possible this has worked for him in the past??
As the Kurgan has a manic episode prepares for battle, Brenda has decided to confront Connor/Nash. She’s bothering poor Rachel again, at least until Connor shows up in his Columbo coat. (There’s a perfectly good reason why I can’t let that go: I hate it. This is a man who’s lived through kilts, doublets, brocades, top hats and Mod clothing: why the hell would he choose to dress like this?)
“I’m looking for a dead guy named Nash,” Brenda tells him. Connor glances at Rachel, whose look says “The jig’s up, Boss!” as clearly as if she were a supporting player in an old noir film. Connor at last yields and takes Brenda off to his treasure cave.
I mean, living room.
Mostly, I mean treasure cave.
This part is funny, as Brenda is clearly vacillating between wanting to know the truth and mentally cataloguing all of Connor’s displayed possessions, with special attention to weaponry.
“I’ve been alive for four-and-a-half centuries,” Connor tells her, to which she says, “Everybody’s got their problems.” (Subtext: and a few million dollars’ worth of antiques. No, wait, that’s just you.) He hands her a dagger and tells her who he really is—
…And then he stabs himself, falling to his knees.
Ladies and gentlemen, the world’s worst pick-up line.
Even though Connor can obviously heal, this part of the movie always reminds me of this:
Let’s hope for Brenda’s sake “I can only do it once” isn’t true of Connor, as she seems to find this stabby display very alluring: this is followed by a sex scene that is 100% more sex than I would be having with a man who punctured himself in front of me. (I mean, really. Someone should write a fanfiction about opening a charm school for immortals.)
You know what would make this more believable? If he woke up in the morning to find Brenda had stolen the samurai sword. That doesn’t happen, of course. Instead they go to the zoo, where the lions hate Connor’s outfit as much as I do.
They talk just enough for us to learn that she’s been filled in on the whole immortals-beheading-each-other deal, and for us to notice that the Kurgan is watching them in the background. Connor senses him, but not before both the Kurgan and Brenda have both left. Connor…is not sharp.
Next time: Something silly.
Next time on TCBOM!: It all goes to hell.
