Last time: Did somebody call a one-sleeved exterminator? Also, I forgot to mention that they play something very like the string music from Psycho when the Kurgan beats the door in. Nice touch.
19. Finally! Part 2: Slash! Stab! Demolish?
Ramirez starts out strong, slashing the Kurgan’s throat but not fully beheading him. Blood pours down the poor guy’s Kurgan’s beautiful face and—
You know what? Just assume I’m doing this through the whole damn scene. I’m not proud of it, but it is a fact.
Now then.
The Kurgan manages to defend himself long enough to regenerate his neck a bit, then goes on the offensive. Understandably, Heather screams. By now I’ve watched this enough that every time she does, I automatically add the words “My homeowner’s insurance!”
Meanwhile, Ramirez delivers the kind of wisecracks (“My cut has improved your voice!”) that should prove to doubters once and for all that there are things Roger Moore could pull off that Connery can’t.* They fight up the staircase, and the Kurgan is knocked to the ground through a beam that, in retrospect, seems to be pretty important to the tower’s construction. It’s one of my favorite parts of this fight scene, since the moment he regains consciousness, he is immediately groping for his sword. That’s the kind of focus I like to see in a villain.
The Kurgan regains his feet before Ramirez can descend the stairs, and he laughs evilly—something else I like to see in a villain. This time, the staircase battle causes the tower to actually begin falling down, so to “Why is it there?” and “Why are a couple of young random lovers living in it?,” we can add “What the heck did these people use for mortar?”
More fighting. All the woodwork in the tower collapses. More “My homeowner’s insurance!” More of me acting like the wolf in the Tex Avery cartoon, because not only is the Kurgan punching Ramirez, he’s really enjoying it. As am I.
*Not necessarily worthy things. Just things.
Next time: If I knew, I’d tell you.
Next time on TCBOM!: Ramirez! Stops! Talking!
