Found-Again Friday: Oscar

Why Found-Again? In a way, I already had one found-again conversion moment with Oscar: I walked out on it in the theater back when I was a teenager on the grounds that it was too silly. Now I own it, but don’t watch it very often—maybe once for every 50 times I quote from it, in fact. So what’s the deal?

The Premise: Twofold:

1) Being a mobster who’s trying to go straight is one lasting administrative headache, not least when your idea of “going straight” is going into finance.

2) What audiences in the early 1990s were really missing was a chance to return to the era of screwball comedies.

For people who think the appearance of Sylvester Stallone always guarantees a crapstorm on the horizon, there’s probably no hope of convincing them to like Oscar. But I like Stallone here as “Snaps” Provolone, a successful mob boss trying to go straight as a promise to his dead father (Kirk Douglas).

The only things standing in his way are the cops, the rival gang, the snooty bankers who want his money, his lovesick but devious accountant, a desperate daughter trying to get freedom at any cost, and his exasperated wife: after all that, you’d have big, sad eyes too.

Oscar has one heck of a cast: in addition to Stallone, you have Marisa Tomei, Peter Riegert, Chazz Palminteri, and Tim Curry as a character I love so much I named one of my bettas after him, the elocution teacher Dr. Poole. That’s a lot of people who are fun to watch, even when the plot threatens to wear thin.

Getting back to point 2 above, though, this movie tends to be an acquired taste, a little too silly for people who want a witty comedy and not silly enough for fans of, say, the Naked Gun series. Watching the actual screwball comedies of the early twentieth century has given me a better grounding to appreciate Oscar, but there’s a case to be made that a movie shouldn’t always come with its own research project.

The Verdict: I don’t know why I don’t watch this more often, especially since I steal henchman Connie’s “I’m gettin’ good at this!” line almost weekly. I know I said above that it was an acquired taste, but you should acquire it already.

Might go well with: Tea, smoked salmon, Johnny Dangerously.

I don’t always post full movies, but as with so many of these features, the trailer is seriously lacking (lacking about 55% of the plot, for one thing, and being oddly misleading about the rest).

Found-Again Friday: Into The Night

“The police can’t help me—I’m one of the bad guys.”

I really didn’t mean to use this space for so much Jeff Goldblum Revisited, but I’ve been watching a lot of semi-obscure ’80s/early ’90s movies lately and Into the Night fits right in.

The Premise: Nerdy engineer Ed (played by you-know-who) has insomnia, a cheating wife, and a general case of suburban malaise.

That "whoa" sound you heard back in 1987 was Tween Me watching this.
That “whoa” sound you heard back in 1987 was Tween Me watching this.

On a late-night drive, Ed inadvertently rescues Diana (Michelle Pfeiffer) from a bunch of Iranian mobsters and is plunged into seedy intrigue in Los Angeles—seems Diana (see the quote above) is a jewel smuggler. Can the two of them make a deal that will get them out of this mess alive? Will Ed ever sleep? How did Dan Aykroyd get in this production, and how would we ever play Four Degrees of Jeff Goldblum without him?

This is a weird little movie, and since I didn’t recognize all the director cameos when I was younger (the movie’s director, John Landis, plays a bad guy; David “The Fly” Cronenberg plays Ed’s boss, and there are other brief appearances by Lawrence Kasdan and Roger Vadim), I am only now starting to appreciate how weird. Jim Henson has a cameo, for pete’s sake. And yet I kept wondering what kind of movie David Lynch could’ve made from this same material, since it seems to touch on a lot of his neo-noir motifs.

On the other hand, could anyone really improve on Jeff Goldblum in an Elvis car?

Wow.
Nah.

The Verdict: On the whole, I probably like this movie as much now as I did when I saw it in the ’80s, but for completely different reasons. Except for the B.B. King soundtrack, of course: that’s always good.

Keep an eye out for David Bowie in the trailer, too.

Might go well with: Bacon, other diner food.

Next time: We spend more time with Jonny Quest and friends.

The Quest For Monday! Part 2: Zap.

Episode: “Mystery of the Lizard Men”

Synopsis: A group of bad guys blows up ships while testing their new laser weapon. Being expert in all things sciency, Dr. Quest and family are asked to investigate: eventually they defeat the enemy using a big mirror.

Tip 2: Technology is your friend! Well, maybe not *your* friend…

It’s the villains’ eternal ally:

I also like to think this is how they make toast. Eeeeeeevil toast.
I also like to think this is how they make toast. Eeeeeeevil toast.

Even Dr. Quest can bend it to his will…

Maybe it's me, but this just seems like the kind of demo where goggles might be in order.
Maybe it’s me, but this just seems like the kind of demo where goggles might be in order.

But lasers can be a cruel mistress/adversary. Just ask this guy, assuming you know Portuguese.

"Tchau, mundo cruel!"
“Tchau, mundo cruel!”

Always take care around beams of killer light.

 

Next time: A 10% chance of Goldblum for Friday.

Next time on TQfm!: Proper form when getting shanghaied.

 

 

Found-Again Friday: Werewolf of London

I’m a bit deficient in the old Universal horror movies, so I selected a few to visit and revisit—including this one, the favorite horror film of one of my non-horror-watching, no-you’re-a-nerd acquaintances.*

The Premise: Botanist Wilfred Glendon (Henry Hull) has a manor but not much of a manner, to the dismay of his lovely wife. On an expedition to Tibet to collect a night-blooming flower, he’s attacked by a wolf-creature; after he returns to England, Wilfred begins to experience certain…urges. You know the drill. The flower can stave off his transformations, but only if Wilfred can get it to bloom and keep the flowers out of the hands of a rival (Warner “Charlie Chan, for some reason” Oland).

I haven’t been so conflicted about a Found-Again entry since the Beauty and the Beast TV show turned me into a 14-year-old girl again. Rated purely on a scale of “How’s the werewolf story?,” Werewolf of London is okay, a solid 5–7 out of 10. It is, however, highly entertaining for the following reasons:

  • A marvelous cast of minor characters, including a haughty lab assistant who looks exactly like Arte Johnson in Love At First Bite, a snooty butler with a combover, and an assemblage of gin-swilling old ladies. There is also the wife’s old boyfriend, who at one point dons a leather trenchcoat and looks as much like Black Adder’s WWI Lord Flashheart as it is possible to do unironically.
See?
See?
  • We can see that Wilfred is already well on his way to villainy thanks to a tour of some really evil plants at the beginning of the movie. One appears to be a shoggoth, in fact, or some sort of shoggoth/sea anemone hybrid.
  • This is, hands down, the most stereotypically British horror movie I’ve ever seen, and I’ve certainly put in my hours watching Hammer films. There’s something so endearing about a ravening monster who stops to put on his scarf and hat before he goes out to eat pedestrians.
  • Our protagonist is at one point warned that “the werewolf seeks to kill the thing it loves best.” Based on our actual body count, it would appear that what Wilfred really loves is blondes with good screaming voices.

The Verdict: As long as you don’t pin your hopes of entertainment on the actual werewolf, Werewolf of London is an awful lot of fun. If only someone had explained about the shoggoth.

Might go well with: Carpaccio, edible flowers, Bombay Sapphire.

 

Next time: Cartoon characters with frickin’ laser beams.

 

*To whom I may or may not have been married at one time.

Holy…Ground?! I Just Watched Highlander II

Like most people, I have a natural tendency to pick up speech patterns from things I watch on TV, and one of the phrases I regularly try to expunge from my vocabulary came from watching several hours of Archer in one go.

It’s hard to expunge “What the shit?!” from one’s speech, however, when what-the-shit-worthy things keep happening—and the latest of these was me sitting down to watch The Highlander Movie That Doesn’t Technically Exist.

Highlander II may be the most what-the-shit thing I’ve ever watched, and I include several Ken Russell films, Scream and Scream Again, and Transylvania 6-5000 on that list.

In fact, one could almost believe in time travel after watching Highlander II: it often feels like a weird melange of movies that came before and after it, including Dune (melange…heh), Dark City, Robocop, Soylent Green, Death Wish, The Fifth Element, the Tim Burton Batman movies, and just a touch of Stargate. The title cards so beloved by the people who make Highlander stuff inform us that the ozone layer went kaput in 1999, glossing over the implication that Connor managed to ruin the earth—okay, okay, or didn’t prevent its ruin— in only 14 years. Now, in 2024, the world is covered by a shield and everything looks very urban-apocalypse.

You know I’m going to say it.

HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE WORSE IF THE KURGAN WON?? THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE MATCHES HIS OUTFIT!

"…As it should."
“…As it should.”

This is also the movie in which it is revealed that immortals are actually aliens, because that always makes everything better and doesn’t at all stomp viciously on the historical-supernatural intersection that makes the whole Highlander idea interesting in the first place. It does provide a convenient explanation for bringing back Ramirez, though, who I don’t mind nearly as much in this film—he’s a lousy Mr. Miyagi, but “running around and getting things done” has always been Connery’s cinematic bread and butter, so he’s much better used here.

And our villain this time is the alien world’s ruler, Gen. Katana (really, people?),  played by Michael Ironside as…I guess as the kind of despot we were supposed to fear in the first movie. (Other immortals probably have to watch Extreme Prejudice as a PSA.) What the Kurgan—and Kane, and Slan—did for unwieldy cars, this guy does for subway trains, and therein lies one of the movie’s strengths: the action sequences are pretty good. I wish I hadn’t had to watch the rest of this to see Connor MacLeod on hover-skates, but I did, and it’s kind of fun.

This is probably the liveliest the Highlander has ever been onscreen, and a pity that it’s in service of this font of subsequent audience amnesia. I started watching Highlander II thinking perhaps the classic Roger Ebert review had been too harsh, since the late, great critic never seemed to have much affinity for any of the genres it could be said to occupy; I eventually concluded that if he had been versed in the Highlander franchise, Ebert might have been even harsher.

Oh, and in this film, rather than dying circa 1993 in a car crash, Brenda dies of solar radiation in 1999. What the shit?

 

Next time: Get out your Warren Zevon music.

 

 

 

 

The Quest For Monday! Part 1: This Is Where Our Taxpayer Dollars Go, Folks

Episode: “Mystery of the Lizard Men”

Tip 1: Know your animals!

See that episode title up there? Sounds exciting, but what we actually see in this adventure is neither Lizard Men nor even Frog Men, but frogmen—you know, the kind that definitely exist. The lone survivor whose boat they blew up thinks they are lizard people, though, so I guess it counts?

"On reflection, I think that was just a guy in scuba gear. I may be a wounded Portuguese sailor, but Mamai didn't raise no dummies, you know?"
“On reflection, I think that was just a guy in scuba gear. I may be a wounded Portuguese sailor, but Mamai didn’t raise no dummies, you know?”

This also applies to special-forces nannies, it turns out, and here the government is doing a little better than our hapless fisherman. They know who agent Roger “Race” Bannon is—”tutor, companion, and all-around watchdog” to little Jonny Quest—but aren’t too sure where he is, since one of the guys with a clearance high enough to see the file (the Quests  and Race are File 037, should you want to dazzle your loved ones with trivia) has to ask the other one.

"Where IS Race Bannon? …Say. He's behind me, isn't he?" "Gee, I don't know, Bob, are you ALREADY DEAD??"
“Where IS Race Bannon these days? …Say. He’s behind me, isn’t he?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Bob, are you ALREADY DEAD??”

Taxonomy is SO important.

 

Next time: It has nothing to do with vampires. Not in this movie, anyway.

Next time on TQfM!: Fun. Sun. Laser beams.

Found-Again Friday: Musical Interlude 6

Summer is on its way out for 2015, but let’s cling to it a while with some island music! As usual, all songs posted are things that appear in my music collection—I have a weakness for reggae and soca as well as for Voltaire and nerd music and, well, almost everything else.

Here’s a voice that never fails to give me chills:

When I’m in need of a little lift in spirits, I go for this one.(Work semi-warning: bikinis, sexy dance moves, etc.)

Speaking of which, this one has spawned a lot of dance tutorials on YouTube:

I may be misremembering, but I could swear I heard a network use this to advertise reruns of the show that shares the name.

And one of the first reggae songs I ever heard back when I was a moody youth (and I liked it anyway)…

Enjoy the sunshine!

 

Next time: Jonny Quest and family are on the beach, too—though probably not listening to Tenor Saw.

 

 

The Quest For Monday! Introduction

Lest you think I’ve never had a silly blog idea before the time I thought “You know, I need a much broader platform to address my ongoing concerns about Highlander,” permit me to introduce my long-abandoned Tumblr project: The Benton Quest Field Guide to the world of Jonny Quest. Do Tumblr and WordPress cross-post well? I imagine not! But let’s not let that stop us. From here on out the posts will be new, but this first one is from 2011.

Well, I did say abandoned, didn’t I?

 

INTRODUCTION: THE BENTON QUEST FIELD GUIDE

I recently got the opportunity to rewatch the original Jonny Quest cartoon series, with…interesting results.

As a child, I freely envied Jonny: his father was a marine biologist [more or less], and he got to travel the world with his best friend, his dog, and an ex-Special Ops guy as a babysitter. (In contrast, my father was a CPA, my dog and friends thoroughly uninterested in adventure, and while Mom really liked Chuck Norris movies, that does not a Navy SEAL make.) I was a big fan of nature magazines at the time, and the exotic locales and carefully rendered animals* captured my imagination completely.

It would be unfair to say that the show hasn’t withstood the test of time: more accurately, when confronted by the test of time, Race Bannon wrestled it to the ground while the rest of the show skipped gleefully toward Weirdsville. My goal is to watch the DVDs in order and chronicle, as best I can, the important tips and wisdom of the peripatetic Dr. Benton Quest (and his associates—please don’t hurt me, Mr. Bannon).

As for the opening credits above, what more clearly says “scientist” like furtively glancing around while you’re being piloted in an untenably huge jet? Dr. Quest should probably also concern himself with his son’s amazing disappearing chin.

*With one exception, which will be discussed later. I suspect it’s a hitherto-unremarked species!

You can also find this at The Benton Quest Field Guide!

 

Found-Again Friday: Bram Stoker’s Dracula—The Coppola Film

Why Found-Again? When I said a few weeks ago I was adding the 2013 Dracula TV series to my Netflix queue, I didn’t wait around. (Capsule review: it’s not perfect, but I never in my life thought I’d sincerely utter the words “I want a Renfield,” either. Wow. Mad Science! Steampunk! Impalers and Van Helsings colluding together! Mass hysteria!)

That said, the show seems to owe a great debt to the 1992 film adaptation, especially in the turning of subtext into opulent text.

The Premise: You’re kidding, right? No? Okay: Slightly dim but decent Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves, hitting the first part of that description rather hard) unwittingly brokers one hell of a real estate deal when he sells an English abbey to Count Dracula (Gary Oldman), who in no time goes from elderly nobleman to hot young technophile thanks to the fine English climate and a constant supply of human blood. Sadly for Dracula but fortunately for Britain, he is eventually thwarted by Professor Van Helsing (Anthony Hopkins)—though not before the Count and Mrs. Harker (Winona Ryder) have fallen in love.

If you enjoy the kind of excess this adaptation revels in, it’s quite good. That sounds pejorative, I suppose, but I don’t mean it that way: as a viewer of Dracula movies, there are times when I like to watch a rich, Victorian-Decadent riff on the legend of Vlad Tepes and Stoker’s book, and there are times when I’d just like to see a guy in a cape who owns a spooky castle. (There are also times I’d just like to see George Hamilton and Arte Johnson spoofing the whole enterprise, for that matter; I’m kind of omni-Dracula that way.) The beautiful visuals in Coppola’s film mitigate its cheese factor—the old Count’s double-bun hairdo, slutty Lucy, Van Helsing chewing more scenery than his nemesis ever did necks—and so does its all-star cast.

The Verdict: I was a purist teenager when I saw this in the theater, but I think the Dracula story may be one I’ve grown less cynical about as time goes by. As I said, it’s not always my cup of tea when I need a Count fix, but it’s a very worthy entry among its peers. And Tom Waits as Renfield is not to be missed.

Might go well with: Steak; wine; the Frank Langella Dracula movie from the ’70s. Oh, and garlic bread!

 

 

Next time: Mondays are going to be no less weird on this site. They might be a little less pretty, though.