Last time: We played a weird match-the-line game with my DVD collection, while Connor and the Kurgan confronted each other and affronted a bunch of churchgoers.
31. The irony when something pleases your English-major soul and all you can think is “Duuuuuuuuuuuude.”
Our two remaining contestants in “Who Wants To Rule Forever?” are still in confrontation about, er, the coming confrontation, at least until the Kurgan takes a second to terrorize some nuns.
“Ramirez’s blade didn’t cut deeply enough,” Connor sneers. “He was right about you.” There are a lot of good points (no pun intended) to be made here, but this seems like a bizarre time to whip out the argument from authority: he’s right there, being a jerk.
“Ramirez was an effete snob!” the Kurgan growls… and that was the point at which I discovered I really do assign movie characters bonus points for vocabulary. One of my less bizarre hobbies the past few years has been watching all of Frasier on Netflix, and I don’t think even the Crane brothers use that word.
And this from a guy who may have, moments before, been plagiarizing from a talking crow.
Duuuuuuuuuude.
The Kurgan continues, “I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold!” Now that is some quality villain monologuing, and for once it won’t impede his progress.
It doesn’t actually take Connor five minutes to realize that part of the above refers to Heather, but like his first death back in 1536, it nonetheless seems to go on forever. (I timed it; it’s actually nine seconds, and by the end of that time, the church is pretty well cleared out.) Once he does, it takes his enemy two seconds to figure out the same thing and press his advantage. It’s just that Connor isn’t evil-minded, right? It’s not that he’s slow, right?
Right?
Connor grabs the Kurgan, who points out that they’re on holy ground and extricates himself, saying “You will always be weaker than I.”
Oh, wow. Good grammar, too?
I hate writing posts that are chiefly quotes, so I’ll sum up by saying that Connor leaves, the Kurgan mocks Jesus, and there’s a big, splendid, loud power trip right there in the aisle.The guy seems to be losing his grip on everything except the English language.
So, you know, it could be worse.
Next time: I have no idea, but I promise it will have no vampires.
Next time on TCBOM!: Seducing women the hard way.
