Last time: Venom The Green Goblin The Kurgan nabbed Brenda and proceeded to act like, oh, I don’t know, a guy who can be easily defeated with just a little bit of forethought and sane swordsmanship? Just spitballing here.
34. Rachel gets promoted! And we find ourselves in Santa Barbara, sort of.
You’d think a transportational rampage like the one in the last section should make the news even in Highlander’s New York, but the Kurgan calls Connor to mention that he’s kidnapped Brenda anyway, leaving a sinister message on what looks to be a solid acre of answering machine.
I’m not sure why, but I love old technology in movies and TV. If I’m watching something from the ’90s, I coo over every appearance of a pager; I can’t let a typewriter sit on anybody’s desk on the big or small screen without mentioning it —and rating it for beauty; and old televisions frequently bring a smile to my face. I mention this to explain that Connor’s answering machine makes me very happy. It’s probably big even for 1985, which suggests that maybe he’s an early adopter, something that seems kind of, well, lively for the Mopelander.
Connor tells a horrified Rachel that he’s leaving for good, no matter what happens (“Russell Nash dies tonight”): she’s the antique store’s new owner. He repeats the “it’s a kind of magic” line from their very first meeting, then sets off for the final fight. Somewhere offscreen, I presume Rachel waits until he’s gone to make the “cha-ching!” motion with her arm and pop the cork on some champagne, maybe have some friends over: “I thought he’d never quit! It’s not as if he ever sells anything, but he’s finally got a girlfriend…yes, I guess that stabbing-yourself thing finally worked on someone. Who knew? More wine?”
Meanwhile, Connor finds Brenda attached to a big neon sign, and I take a minute to remind myself that resemblances to other movies aren’t really Highlander’s fault. From a movie-magic standpoint, it’s the perfect place to start your final encounter: fog, metal, a catwalk to scramble around on—at one point Connor even slides down a cable like a fairly tame Errol Flynn. But there’s so much here to hate. The gratuitous water spill, Brenda screaming randomly, neon letters falling because the Kurgan has lost his damn mind…
So if you’re like me and get a little bored by the roof action in this fight, have a look at the soap-opera death it always reminds me of:
The final indignity before they fall through the skylight and the duel begins in earnest? After her neon letter gets knocked over, Brenda rescues herself. Say it with me: Connor sucks.
Next time: I wish I knew.
Next time on TCBOM!: The final indignity conflict. I’m going to try to work out some audio commentary for this one.
