Last time: Someone thought it was a great idea to shoot the Kurgan…who thought it was a great idea to behead Kastagir. Sort of a diametric double-drat.
27. Immortal people whacking each other (part 2): There was supposed to be an
earth alley-shattering kaboom!
The survivalist wackjob is disappointed to find that he didn’t kill anybody, and probably even more disappointed when the Kurgan appears behind him (and do we care how he got behind that guy? I sure don’t) and impales him on his sword for a bit before tossing him aside with a look I can safely describe as disapproving.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a viewing experience that made you wonder about yourself, where something objectively terrible happens onscreen and you guffaw like a hyena (most of Kingsman: The Secret Service comes to mind), but this is one of mine. The entire time Wackjob is being impaled, I giggle like I’m reading a Robert Benchley essay. I’ve now watched this movie once a week since last fall, and I’ll still say, “I should turn this off…ooh, wait, the survivalist is about to get stabbed!” every single time.
It’s also one of those occasions when I wonder if I am the best person to write about this movie: on one hand, this is the moment that breaks the not-doing-very-much streak I was talking about last week. On the other hand is my reluctance to admit I think this is a downright temperate response to being shot repeatedly by a jackass. And you have to give the Kurgan credit, when that guy stabs someone, he doesn’t mess around.
…Er. Where was I? Oh, right. The Quickening.
By the standards of this movie, it’s dignified: no car hoses gushing fluid, no sticking-up architecture. Even so, it’s clearly a pretty good one, because the whole damn alley explodes, with fire and shattering glass everywhere. Kastagir must have been full of awesomeness—but we knew that.
I’m not sure the Kurgan did, though, as he goes a little nuts and mugs two old people for their car. For those of us keeping score, that’s three civilians harmed in about five minutes, and I think it marks a change in how the Kurgan is portrayed in the movie in general…though that’s a post for another time.
Next time: Speakers on for a Friday musical post!
Next time one TCBOM!: Wackjob revisited, and we find out what’s in the news. Also, I may cease being lazy and give all 1.2 of you a screencap!