Found-Again Friday: The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, Chapter 6

(As you may notice, this week’s Friday post is on Saturday because the website went spoink! yesterday. In other news, I now know one elementary way to unspoink a website.)

Why Found-Again? Because for some reason no one’s gotten around to making CSI: Bayport yet.

My favorite part of this one is the way Joe(?) is side-eyeing my pretty ruler.
My favorite part of this one is the way Joe(?) is stink-eyeing my pretty ruler.

The Premise: We’re back in sit-Chet-down-and-talk-at-him mode for the beginning of this chapter, “The Clue of the Broken Pencil,” while all three Hardys take the poor lad through the basics of crime scene photography and recording. They start, however, with this howler:

Hardypocrites

To put this in context, every person involved in the above conversation was standing over a murdered policeman’s body in Chapter 5, and every person involved is still not a law-enforcement officer*. (This is one of the things I miss about having a kid’s perspective on this book: when I first read it, well, of course it was okay for teenagers to be hanging around multiple crime scenes! Kids are smart, right?)

No sooner have the Hardys taught Chet how to graph items on scene sketches—and as ever, my respect for the real-life people who did all this stuff by hand only grows with each chapter—than word comes in of a burglary. A burglary at a factory that makes gold- and silver-rimmed eyeglasses. That’s right, somebody spends time in this story running around with a literal chest full of gold. Arrrrrr.

The chest is recovered in the woods, and one of Chet’s crime-scene sketches eventually reveals the robbery was an inside job. The police catch up with the crooked bookkeeper, and a search reveals the titular broken pencil.

This is the handbook's version of suspect search. Seems way more involved than the frisking you see on TV.
This is the handbook’s version of suspect search. Seems way more involved than the frisking you see on TV.

(Those of you still seeking tips for budding villains can now add “Make sure your car isn’t likely to break down” to the list. At least it wasn’t Turkish cigarettes this time.)

When confronted, the bad guy actually says “You’ve got nothing on me, copper,” for which alone he deserves jail time.

The Verdict: I liked the apprehension of the suspect (and the box o’ gold), but all in all, this wasn’t one of the better chapters. It’s a slightly dry subject, there isn’t a lot of integration with previous chapters, and the story leans too hard on Chet making all the good discoveries in the first half. When we find out the villain said the police were hicks, we shouldn’t have sympathy for his opinion—but they were just schooled by a teenaged tyro.

 

*I can’t say for sure that Fenton’s not some kind of honorary deputy, since this is the only Hardy Boys book I’ve read in 20+ years. He certainly should be if he’s just going to hang around all the time.

 

Next time: Get a rope.

The Quest For Monday! Part 26: Cloak And Dagger, But Without The Cloak

(Episode: “Calcutta Adventure”)

Synopsis: It’s Hadji’s origin story! The awesome orphan meets the Quests for the first time and helps foil a plot to manufacture nerve gas. Also on the scene is Hadji’s friend, the greedy Pasha Peddler, who has a knack for making timely rescues profitable.

Tip 26: Like the old saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention.

It's a basket lid AND a shield!
It’s a basket lid AND a shield!

…which is good if, like Dr. Quest, you seem to be the mother of multiple assassination attempts.

A typical Quest family Wednesday.
A typical Quest family Wednesday.

Next time: We get reunited with the Hardy Boys on Friday.

Next time on TQfM!: Spy Kids.

The Quest For Monday! Part 25: (Model) Apocalypse Now

(Episode: “Calcutta Adventure”)

Synopsis: It’s Hadji’s origin story! The awesome orphan meets the Quests for the first time and helps foil a plot to manufacture nerve gas. Also on the scene is Hadji’s friend, the greedy Pasha Peddler, who has a knack for making timely rescues profitable.

Tip 25: Always lead with the bad news.

Dr. Quest is in Calcutta for a presentation on sound waves, which he kicks off by destroying [a scale model of] New York.

The tough part is getting through the demo without saying "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
The tough part is getting through the demo without saying “BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

The good news about sound waves, of course, is that porpoises can talk to each other.

The last time I was really excited about whale language acquisition was right around the first time I watched Jonny Quest, so this tracks.
The last time I was really excited about whale language acquisition was right around the first time I watched Jonny Quest, so this tracks.

 

Next time: Undecided for Friday. Will it be Barton Fink, or do I dare write up another Frankenstein adaptation?

Next time on TQfM! Jonny tackles making a new friend. Yes, that’s a pun.

Found-Again Friday: The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, Chapter 5

Why Found-Again? Because I’ve watched more cop shows than you’ve had hot dinners. Heck, given Law & Order marathons, probably more than I’ve had hot dinners.

Quick! How many coins are lying around the book as a silly observation exercise?
Quick! How many coins are lying around the book as a silly observation exercise?

The Premise: This week’s chapter is about observation and memory, and we’ve got an actual murder for this one! Police chief Collig’s rookie-cop nephew has been killed at a traffic stop, and the chief and the Hardys are investigating—which seems less weird when you remember how few police officers Bayport seems to have. Sure, it’s a conflict of interest, but they’re probably down to nine guys and one over-18 civilian!

Sidekick Chet once again along for the ride, the boys set about looking for clues while teaching their chum how to train his powers of observation. This starts with simple memory exercises and then, once they find the car involved in the shooting, moves on to a discussion of how law enforcement records things out of the ordinary in their surroundings. Sure enough, our bad guy was recently questioned by another cop, at which time he gave a terrible alias:

Someone needs this as a nod d'internet.
Someone needs this as a nom d’internet ASAP.

Granted, his name is Amos Chipman, so it’s not as bad as it seems (and this may be a good time to point out that every villain in this book has a name that sounds picked from The Big Book Of Fictional Longshoremen). Through some canvassing the area, the Hardys find their man, leading to the noirest illustration in the whole handbook.

In case you're worried, they just wing him.
In case you’re worried, they just wing him.

The Verdict: I liked this one, even if the chain of clues is started by the pure dumb luck of Chet spotting the car. The writers ably made up for the lack of technical detail in this chapter with a pretty good story—though there’s yet another cigar/cigarette clue. I wonder how much case clearance in Bayport would drop if everybody just quit smoking.

 

As a bonus, one of my favorite movie scenes about observation, from the Holmes-Watson role-reversal comedy Without A Clue:

 

Next time: We start a new Jonny Quest! I’ve been waiting to say that for weeks.

The Quest For Monday! Part 24: As We Make Our Escape…

(Episode: “Treasure of the Temple” —Last time! Really!)

Synopsis: An Australian-sounding adventurer tries to stop Team Quest from exploring an ancient jungle temple the looter has his sights on, even going so far as to subjugate the natives. This show not being called Guy Who Would Almost Certainly Be Played By Tim Roth In The Movie Version, though, he does not prevail. Additionally, nature tries its damnedest to murder Race Bannon.

Tip 24. I can guarantee this one is actual good advice.

Even if you know the terrain, even if your escape is nearly a foregone conclusion…

Watch out for spiders.

According to Dr. Quest, this is from "a cave spider...deadly poisonous!" A few minutes on the internet strongly suggest that the eminent scientist is fibbing again.
According to Dr. Quest, this is from “a cave spider…deadly poisonous!” A few minutes on the internet strongly suggest that the eminent scientist is fibbing again, probably because he shot the darned thing.

And for those of you wondering what became of our villain…crocodiles, that’s what.

'Nuff said.
‘Nuff said.

And if that wasn’t enough of a happy ending, Benton Quest learns to modulate his voice. Aww.

 

Next time: The Hardy Boys teach you how to observe in the handbook’s darkest chapter yet.

Next time on TQfM!: We’ll be tagging along for “Calcutta Adventure.”

The Quest For Monday! (On Tuesday), Part 23: Water Safety

(Episode: “Treasure of the Temple”)

Synopsis: An Australian-sounding adventurer tries to stop Team Quest from exploring an ancient jungle temple the looter has his sights on, even going so far as to subjugate the natives. This show not being called Guy Who Would Almost Certainly Be Played By Tim Roth In The Movie Version, though, he does not prevail. And in a sort of side feature, a series of animals attempt to eat Race Bannon.

Team Quest has been rescued from their captors by the non-slow-loud-English-speaking fellow they rescued earlier, but escape lies over treacherous waters.

BQCrocodileRock

Tip 23: Row, row, row your boat…and for heaven’s sake, try not to get involved in this kind of thing.

Race is pretty good against big animals. Maybe this is how he made his living before he joined the Special Forces?
Race is pretty good against big animals. Maybe this is how he made his living before he joined the Special Forces?
At any rate, this is definitely how he made his living after that.
At any rate, this is definitely how he made his living after that.

Not an inflatable vest in sight. Shameful.

 

Next time: With any luck, I’ll be returning to the crypt with Scream Blacula Scream.

Next time on TQfM!: Believe it or not, the end of this episode. I blame those…vampire bats.

Found-Again Friday: The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, Chapter 4

Why Found-Again? Because a lifelong fascination with CSI stuff had to start somewhere. It probably wasn’t here, but I’m not sure that matters. Just look at that adorable book.

Portrait of the detective handbook as a gentleman thief—probably the only gentleman thief we'll see in here.
Portrait of the detective handbook as a gentleman thief—probably the only gentleman thief we’ll see in here.

The Premise: In “The Safecracker’s Calling Card,” the Hardy clan—plus friend Chet— gets called in to assist a burglary investigation, which leads to our characters learning about modus operandi, profiling, and what sort of information is collected for a “Wanted” notice. It also, (un?)fortunately for impure modern readers, leads to a discussion of safecracking techniques.

My apologies if you already saw me post this on Twitter, but wouldn't you?
My apologies if you already saw me post this on Twitter, but wouldn’t you?

As a story, this chapter was solid, even though the “whodunit” part is solved almost immediately thanks to Fenton Hardy’s enormous card catalogue of villains (and to one of the thieves leaving his jacket, complete with dry-cleaning tag, at the crime scene—honestly). Just like in “The Case of the Shabby Shoes,” our heroes do a lot of legwork, and there’s a suspenseful quest—culminating in a mini-manhunt during which we learn how to track a fugitive—to bring the thief to justice.

This chapter also manages to neatly work in all the skills from the previous stories: fingerprints are searched for, shoeprints are taken, and Chet even goes briefly “undercover” to confirm the residence of the bad guys. And although the techniques are, as ever, a little outdated and analog…

I love a good diagram--even when John Doe has the official hairdo of the Hardy Boys books.
I love a good diagram–even when John Doe has the official hairdo of the Hardy Boys books.

…the story hints at a few things that will become important in the crime stories that have followed it: going through trash for clues, for example, and the rise of intellectual property theft (the safecracker steals proprietary jewelry designs as well as the usual cash and bonds). I recently read an article about another prescient Hardy Boys plot, and it’s interesting to see the trend stretches back to at least the 1970s.

So far, budding crime lords can take the following lessons from this book:

  • Don’t leave fingerprints. (This is clearly the most easily memorized. It’s been two chapters since our last meaningful fingerprint.)
  • No smoking foreign tobacco while you’re working.
  • Did you have more clothing when you went in there than you have now?
  • Is your way of working so familiar that, say, a private citizen friendly with the police would suspect you immediately upon seeing your handiwork?
  • Maybe buy new shoes with unmarked soles before every job.
  • Don’t use your brothers as accomplices if you can help it.
I think Fenton's been spending a little too much time with his kids.
As for lessons for the good guys, I think Fenton’s been spending a little too much time around his kids.

 

The Verdict: Probably the best story so far, unless you’re the security guard who got blackjacked on the first page.

The Quest For Monday! Part 22: …And It’s On

(Episode: “Treasure of the Temple”)

Synopsis: An Australian-sounding adventurer tries to stop Team Quest from exploring an ancient jungle temple the looter has his sights on, even going so far as to subjugate the natives. This show not being called Guy Who Would Almost Certainly Be Played By Tim Roth In The Movie Version, though, he does not prevail.

Tip 22: You’re stronger together.

When confrontation rears its head, cooperation shouldn’t be far behind.

BQConfronted

The weird thing is, I have boots like that.
The weird thing is, I also have boots like that.
"This belongs in a museu—oh, who am I kidding?"
“This belongs in a museu—oh, who am I kidding?”

Even so, it’s always going to be a problem when you bring a priceless ceremonial artifact to a gunfight.

BQGunpoint-1

Better luck next time.

 

Next time: The Hardy Boys learn about safecracking and how to want a man—as in those pictures in the post office, I mean.

Next time on TQfM!: Boat chase!

Found-Again Friday: The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, Chapter 3

Why Found-Again? Because I was an inquisitive child literally surrounded by the kinds of evidence this chapter, “The Case of the Shabby Shoes,” talked about. If I could’ve talked my folks into the plaster, I might still have tractor-tire casts lying around.

Much like the story, the book is getting around a bit.
Much like the story, the book is getting around a bit.

The Premise: The police—still frighteningly short-staffed—call on Fenton Hardy, his kids, and their friend Tony when thieves ambush an eccentric businessman and crack his skull.

Although it probably contains almost as much technical information as the previous story, “The Case of the Shabby Shoes” works much better as a story.

WriterSaysWhat
…with a couple of rhetorical exceptions.

There are a number of different locations involved, the Hardys interview witnesses, and there’s even a chase before the bad guys are brought to justice. It’s also not clear until the end whether the case will be murder, which effectively amps up the suspense. And along the way, we’re given a lot of practical tips for gathering different varieties of physical evidence—which is handy, because these miscreants leave all kinds of stuff behind:

The good old days when everyone didn't learn from Law & order to wipe their prints. Aww.
The good old days when everyone didn’t learn from Law & Order about wiping their prints. Aww. (Pro tip: do not leave exotic cigarette butts at your crime scenes!)

The Verdict: Positive. This is the best mix of mystery and reference material the handbook has provided so far, and it even includes a diagram showing you how to make a plaster footprint cast. I’m also noticing that most of the villains in these tales are former convicted criminals, which makes this book unlike most mysteries I’ve read as an adult.

 

Next time: Let’s see if we can finally get Jonny Quest to that darned temple.

 

 

Found-Again Friday: The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, Chapter 2

Why Found-Again? Because I was sure as a kid that I had the detection “right stuff”—and by that I mostly mean a magnifying glass. For the fingerprinting chapter, “The Clue of the Cashbox,” we can add Johnson’s Baby Powder, Scotch tape and a paintbrush to the list.

Our book, posing with three things that have jack-all to do with fingerprinting.
Our book, posing with three things that have jack-all to do with fingerprinting.

The Premise: With the town’s fingerprint specialists out of commission, Frank and Joe get pressed into service when a doctor’s office is burglarized. How small is this police department, anyway?

I mentioned last time that The Hardy Boys Detective Handbook was written in collaboration with retired law enforcement, and this chapter clearly leans heavily on the consultant. Frank and Joe spend no fewer than seven pages explaining to their hapless pal Chet how fingerprinting works, in excruciating detail and with frequent reference to “persons” as though the Hardys just arrived from narrating Dragnet—and all before we even get to the crime scene. From there, it’s a ratio of five lines of story to 15 lines of technical information and everything you ever wanted to know about collecting and comparing fingerprints, analog-style.

I can find no evidence that skin oils and sweat are the same thing. I think Joe is, as the British say, telling porkies here.
I can find no evidence that skin oils and sweat are the same thing. I think Joe is, as the British say, telling porkies here.
Fingerprinting must be even more important in a town where everyone has the same hairstyle...
Fingerprinting must be even more important in a town where everyone has the same hairstyle…

The Verdict: Mixed, but mostly positive. As a story, “The Clue of the Cashbox” is abysmal; the first chapter did a much better job of integrating knowledge into a real narrative, and the solution to this “mystery” turns out to be a nephew ex machina anyway. My childhood self, who bought the book for the technical information in the first place, ate this section up—and though the techniques are dated, it remains a fascinating little glimpse into ’70s forensic science. Just try not to imagine poor Chet going into a boredom coma in the first half and let the dusting techniques wash over you.

Random Notes:

  • I did, in fact, attempt to raise and lift fingerprints with baby powder and Scotch tape when I was a wee thing. My parents had a Formica-topped wooden coffee table that may have been the only surface capable of responding to this treatment. I taped the results to construction paper. Ah, youth.
  • Here is a neat forensic science website I found while researching whether finger oils and sweat are the same.

 

 

Next time: How lost can a city be if Benton Quest can find it?